Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
