if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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