everyone is single if you try hard enough
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
