Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's paint friendship bongs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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