I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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