I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
