A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
