So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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