Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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