Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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