We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
