If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
