come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
