Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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