I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
