So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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