Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
