You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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