At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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