i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
