you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
