why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
