She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
