Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
