Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
