I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
