Your dad touched me again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
