You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
