Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
