she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
