boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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