For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
