Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
