i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
