thus making me awesome and them whores
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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