As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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