Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
