Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
