a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
