If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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