when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pants are for mortals
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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