I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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