Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
