What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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