a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
