she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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