you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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