Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
