may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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