ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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