They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it