I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time