You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.