If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one