I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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