Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
