having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
