can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
