have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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