i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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