she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
