apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
