Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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