Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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