Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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