Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
that is very illegal...i love you.
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