Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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