I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
