She's JV to your varsity
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
