I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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