i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
