I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
