Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
