he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
