i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
