the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
