I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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