god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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