My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Man, jail baloney is awful.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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