I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
