I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
