So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
