see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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