We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
