DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
